In the past two weeks my life has changed pretty dramatically. Danny and I broke up. I moved in with my mother. I'm trying to find a job. So many things are shifting for me. I am trying to accomplish soo many things right now. I want to find myself beneath all of the pink hair and cigarettes. I want to truly know what makes me tick, and most important - why.
This past weekend I had the honor of enjoying my Emotional Reflexology class. It was different than I though it would be, but at the same time, it was SO amazing. To my surprise I did not cry,or have any explosive releases. But I definitely opened myself up to a lot of thoughts, questions, and realizations about my life and why I do certain things the way that I do. I don't need to know all the answers right now.. but this class really opened up a lot of why I have pain in certain areas of my body.
My biggest issue is that I don't express my feelings very often. It really depends... When I'm happy I do, and even when I'm sad I try to talk to someone - usually. But it's when I am angry, about pretty much anything or anyone... that I do nothing about. I am so fucking scared to hurt someones feelings, say something that I don't mean, or just outright sound like a bitch - that I don't express my anger. My mother says that she thinks I am really the daughter with the anger problem, not my sister. And it's completely true. I try to journal, and maybe talk to my mom or sister when something makes me mad. But in the long run, my entire life - just about all of my angry/angsty moments are stuffed down inside my somewhere, choking all my visceral organs and weighing me down.
I need to learn to just... Let It Go. Everything will turn out alright, but if I want to achieve my dreams and truly help people, I have to get this anger out of me! This emotional reflexology work is great though. It deals with finding the tender areas in the foot, and then moving to certain muscles in the body that are associated with the painful area in the feet. My sessions throughout the weekend went by so quickly, I seriously talked the entire time. I just feel like I have so much to say.
The bottom line is, if I want my life to continue the way it's going - school, sobriety, friends, family, all my little art projects... I have to express my anger much better. It's important for anyone to, and I think some people really lose sight of how important it is.
Own your feelings. Own your anger, happiness, joy, sadness, compassion, love - everything. Attitude is the foundation of our life. How we react to instances and people is what makes us - us. I want to find what is inside of me, and bring it out. I want to bring out the anger and hurt and let it go. I want to bring out the happiness and joy and let it shine.
Namaste <333
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